A little about myself

I'm noone, but online and in real life, most people know me by Elaine. I'm just a regular girl, dealing with depression, and I don't have any friends either online or in real life.

When and how did it started?

I'm not entirely sure, but I started to feel depressed when I was 9. It wasn't as bad as it is now, so I didn't really pay much attention to it. As for how it started, there are many things that have contributed to my struggles, but it's mostly related to my family situation. My parents didn't seem to care much about me, and I often felt like they favored my brothers. They're mostly responsible for the physical and mental pain I've endured throughout my life. On top of that, I've had to deal with bullying at school. To make matters worse, I lost a close and only friend in 2020 during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. It was a lonely and hopeless time for me.

Can't you just talk to people and make friends?

Just talking to people and making friends? It's easier said than done. I feel scared to talk with others, whether in person or through text. And I put the blame on my parents for this. Everything I say seems wrong to them. They constantly argue with me, even over small things. Whenever they argue, I can't help but bring up how they treated my brothers better and neglected me. But that just results in severe physical punishment and sometimes being kicked out of the house. I've been deeply traumatized by them, and I still feel scared to open up to people to this day

But how are you depressed? I've seen you acting goofy and stuff

Just because I'm the life of the party, cracking jokes and goofing around, doesn't mean I'm all sunshine inside. I'm the type of person who usually keeps my problems to myself, and I absolutely hate it when someone worries about me, so I do my best to hide it.

How's your current condition?

I'm hanging in there, sort of. I've been getting some meds and care, which helps, but I still feel sad and lonely sometimes. The trauma sticks around, and honestly, I'm not a fan of relying on meds for a temporary fix. I just wish this would all wrap up soon, but I know those scars run deep. It's like the pain from those who've hurt me mentally might always be there. Full recovery? I'm not so sure about that, it's like a distant dream.

So what's the purpose of this page?

This page is basically just an archive of my not-so-exciting life story. It's there for people to read. This page is hosted on CloudFlare Pages so the page will stay up even when my mind takes a funny turn and makes me ending it all